How Do People Change?

This is a pretty meta-question, but I think it might be one of the most important questions for us to consider. Most of us want to change. We want to be a better version of ourselves. We want to be more effective at what we do … but HOW?

Minor, temporary change is easy. We all know people who have lost a few pounds, started a new habits, or been inspired to stop a bad habit. But one of two things is almost always true:

1. It was a minor change – like losing 10lbs when you need a lose 100 lbs

2. The change didn’t last – like the people who have “stopped smoking” 12 times

So how does meaningful, lasting change happen? How do you make a permanent shift in the trajectory of your personal or professional life? There are 3 dimensions to lasting, meaningful change.

1) Motivation

If you don’t want change, you likely won’t. But where does this motivation come from? Motivational speakers like Tony Robbins would encourage you to find your passion deep within yourself, or maybe to speak it to the universe. But as believers we know that we can’t change ourselves. This power must come from the Holy Spirit. So for some, the step before step one is asking the Holy Spirit for the motivation and desire to change.

Motivational speakers are correct (to an extent) in encouraging people to find their passion. But the root of the word “passion” actually means “to suffer”. So when looking for your passion, don’t ask “what do I really enjoy doing?”. Rather, ask yourself “what am I willing to suffer for?” Your willingness to tolerate discomfort is both an indication of your passion and the limiting factor your pursuit of your passion.  

For example: if you want to be a pastor, but you are unwilling to be uncomfortable, you will probably not be very successful. However, if you want to be a pastor and you are willing to suffer a high degree of discomfort in the pursuit of that passion, you will likely be successful. 

2) Knowledge

There are two types of knowledge that everyone must obtain – knowledge of themselves and knowledge of the domain in which they want to grow. If you want to be an accountant, you have to study accounting. If you want to be a lawyer, you have to study law. But if you want to be a good accountant or lawyer, you also have to study yourself. You must understand where and how your personality, gifts and experiences are aligned with your growth goal and where they may be working against you.

Too often we assume that knowledge equals change. We believe that if people read a book , attend a conference or receive training, that they will be changed. Books, conferences and training are great – but how many people do you know have been significantly, permanently changed by a book or conference? Not many.  Actually, very few. Knowledge is a necessary but insufficient requirement for change.

3) Evaluated Experience

The most overlooked, but possibly the most important dimension of change, is evaluated experience. This is the combination of action and reflection upon the action. Think about a baseball player. They can want to be a major leaguer (motivation) and they can study the game as much as they want (knowledge) but they can’t actually improve as a baseball player if they don’t get into the batter’s box and try to hit the ball. But at-bats alone are insufficient for improvement. More at-bats often just reinforce bad habits. To actually improve, they need to evaluate their experience, see what is working and what isn’t working, and make adjustments. In baseball, this is the job of a hitting coaching. In fact, most professional athletes and high achievers employ some sort of a coach to help them evaluate their experience. A good coach will help you achieve your objectives by challenging you, giving you feedback, reminding your of your motivation, and pointing out ways in which you may actually be working against yourself.

Questions to Consider:

1. So what do you want to change about yourself?

2. How much are willing to suffer for that change?

3. How well do you understand yourself and the domain where you want to grow?

4. Who is helping you evaluate your experience?