Suffering and Flourishing

What is the relationship between suffering and flourishing? Flourishing is
access to the external resources, external relationships, and internal
resources/relationships we need to thrive. Flourishing is both what you have
and who you are. Given this definition, suffering looks and feels like the
opposite of flourishing. But we all know we don’t grow without struggle. So
what’s the connection?
Like physical health, flourishing is a multi-dimensional journey and a process
that evolves over time. We can talk about more or less flourishing, just like
we can compare our physical health this year with last year, but there isn’t
an absolute scale. There is no award for “the most flourishing man on earth”,
just like there is no way to measure the “healthiest man on earth”.
In the last post, we explored the idea that flourishing is the opposite of
poverty. People flourish when they have access to resources and
relationships both internally and externally. But we all experience poverty in
varying degrees, and in a broken world we always will. We suffer when we
experience poverty – when we don’t have access to the resources and
relationships we need and desire.
So yes, suffering is the absence of flourishing.
But suffering is also the path to flourishing.
The specific source of our suffering is less important than what we do with
our suffering. Suffering is an invitation; an invitation to explore, to dig
deeper, to find truth, and to deal with that truth in healthy, effective ways.
Let’s take the example of physical health. Say a hard-charging, type-A
executive suffers (see what I did there?) a heart attack in his late 40s. This is
undeniable suffering, but it is also an invitation. It is an invitation to evaluate
his lifestyle and define a new set of priorities. If he makes the appropriate
changes, he will move closer to flourishing. If he doesn’t make changes, his
health will deteriorate, and he will die of another heart attack. Suffering is
both a lack of flourishing and an invitation to pursue flourishing
Now let’s take a more sensitive example. Say another hard-charging, type-A
executive is told by his wife that she wants a divorce. This is obvious
suffering as it severs one of the primary relationships in his life. But this
suffering is also an invitation to him to explore why she wants a divorce,
what he did to contribute to the problem, and what (if anything) he can do to
repair their relationship in a healthy, productive way. That is a big ask. Most
of us would avoid the pain of introspection, agree to the terms of the divorce,
and move on.

But avoiding the pain doesn’t fix anything. It simply kicks the can down the road.

And by taking the easy path, we move away from authentic flourishing.
Said another way, suffering exposes artificial flourishing and invites us to
move towards authentic flourishing. Those who take the difficult path move
towards true flourishing. Those who run from suffering move farther away
from true flourishing.
Lastly, it is important to ask: is all suffering a lack of flourishing? Yes. We live
in a broken world and there will always be people with insufficient access to
the resources and relationships – both externally and internally – that they
need to thrive.
But there is a more important question to ask: is all suffering an invitation? I
believe the answer to this is also yes. Authentic flourishing has very little to
do with our circumstances. It has more to do with our attitude towards our
circumstances. Suffering is an invitation to re-evaluate our values, our
priorities, our attitude, and our actions. Sometimes we can influence our
circumstances, but often we can’t. There are many things we can’t control or
influence, but we can control our attitudes and actions.
Where are you suffering right now? What invitation might be hidden in this
struggle?